


the archetypes of adam

by gl_bgolyb



Series: meat follies [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bodily Functions, Canon Compliant, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:07:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23828074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gl_bgolyb/pseuds/gl_bgolyb
Summary: "this is not simply about me being horny for karkat this is about me being horny for karkat and being a little sad underneath the surface while doing so"--dave strider
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Series: meat follies [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1778275
Comments: 11
Kudos: 71





	the archetypes of adam

is it bad that when i look at him i feel kind of sad underneath the desire to fuck on the kitchen table like i know that its probably not good or bad but rather just some kind of testimony to my constant waking morning wood that manifests as a hardon in my brain for karkat vantas but like i digress this is not simply about me being horny for karkat this is about me being horny for karkat and being a little sad underneath the surface while doing so  
anyway  
where was i  
oh right so karkat is doing the thing where he manspreads on the couch and is like about ten seconds from going into a deep rumbly slumber but a fun thing about having this guy as your boyfriend is that hes incredibly fucking perceptive about the dumbest shit  
like this fucking guy

KARKAT: DAVE? WHY ARE YOU AWAKE?

god i dont even know how to begin with the sheer amount of bullshit karkat faq that haunts me day in and day out just look at this guy holy fucking shit  
he rubs the crust out of the corners of his eyes with his claws angled so they wont slice open his pretty retinas and then does that weird resting grimace face thing  
this mans version of a neutral expression is toddler concentrating on dropping a deuce and frankly i think thats neat

DAVE: passing through an asteroid field  
DAVE: guess the change in gravitational hijinks is messing with my ability to like yknow  
DAVE: pass the fuck out and suck on my thumb while doing so

absolute wordsmith bravo good job dave

KARKAT: WHEN THE FUCK DID YOU START SUCKING YOUR THUMB?  
DAVE: never i just like alluding to the concept of my youthful vigor or whatever  
KARKAT: YEAH, OKAY.  
KARKAT: THAT DEFINITELY IS A THING THAT MAKES SENSE. I TOTALLY GET THAT THING, YOU KNOW, THE REFERENCE. THE THING YOU SAID.  
DAVE: yep

when this is all over and we get back home or start a new home and rectify the absolute shitstorm that our friends increasingly tangled personal lives has become i think i want to get a house with karkat  
im well fucking aware that domesticity wont solve our problems but i think it would be nice to fix something up and revitalize some beat up house in the country and put in hardwood floors and paint the walls however we want and hang up pictures of weird eclectic shit between framed photographs of our friends  
rose would probably get a kick out of that  
sitting me down and asking me seriously if everything is alright at home because im ass deep in facebook posts about how #blessed i am with my splendid husbro and our like flock of artisanal chickens and candle making classes and shit and ill ask her why the fuck she was kidnapped that one time and if it was like actually kidnapping or what im suspecting to be running from something

KARKAT: YOU OKAY, DUDE?  
KARKAT: YOU LOOK LIKE YOU’RE CONSTIPATED.  
DAVE: no man im regular  
DAVE: prune juice companies want what i have  
DAVE: call me fiber 1 bc im the number one at number two  
DAVE: no hershey squirts tho this is a logging operation and i am the fucking lumberjack king of shit mountain  
KARKAT: ZZZ

its official my lurid tales of bathroom exploits have lulled the juiciest troll ass this side of earth c to sleep  
no offense to kanaya im just stating the facts  
which are  
gfdi there really isnt a way to properly address this horny melancholy with anyone on this stupid ship especially the subject of the aforementioned horny melancholy

KARKAT: ZZZ

in an ideal world i would plant the sloppiest auntie kiss on this guys forehead while he sleeps but karkat has a tendency to wake the fuck up at the slightest disturbance so like a champ and respectful boyfriend i slip out of our quarters (corridors? fuck if i know) and descend towards the bowels of this here space faring vessel  
i hear something going on in roxy and callies room but it feels weird congratulating an ectoparent on getting some especially while the some is still in action so i keep walking and eventually end up face to face with the voluminous and rather milfy beast that is the refrigerator

DAVE: oh icebox goddess  
DAVE: i am here to pay respects

one of the cool things about adulthood is that you stock your own fridge and this means there are no swords here  
this kitchen is a katana free zone  
also im not being filmed in smuppet snuff films against my will  
one of the not cool things about adulthood is that all of your childhood trauma is still there and processing it is an all consuming task that often fucking sucks but like thats just a fact that im pointing out that doesnt necessarily pertain to me directly or anything lol

anyway i fix up what will be a pretty epic sandwich and get ready to go ham on this ham when speak of the devil im hit yet again with the good ol brainworm hellspiral  
they always hit me when i should expect it most but refuse to do so because that would mean actually recognizing that i have a problem and that the fridge is a trigger but thats stupid this is stupid im a god i dont need this i should just grow up and get over this and focus on my inadequate display as a boyfriend and as a man and as a person in general

i just 

i 

im struck by how lonely this is just me and my sandwich and space but not in a good way  
i stare at the crumbling pieces and dont really want to eat anymore  


**Author's Note:**

> this is completely unedited and written in one go but hey, sometimes you just gotta


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